Last semester, I was asks to interview an older couple about their relationship. Typing as fast as someone talks is difficult. Here are my grandpa’s answers:
- How did you meet your partner?
It was through work. She worked for a construction crane company. For a company that made those. And I worked for another company that made high-speed ore-carrying equipment. And I needed to test some equipment for that company, and I needed lots of power supply, that my company didn’t. And so arrangements were made so that I went over to her company. And I went over there and was testing and saw her, and she walked by, a NUMBER of times, while I was over there. So I thought, “She’s a nice looking lady- it’d be nice to meet her. So I called over there and tried to get her phone number. And the guy I was working with wouldn’t give me her number, but I’ll give her the number and maybe she’ll call. Then she did. And that’s where it all started.
- How long have you known each other?
Well, let’s see. First, the CEC thing was in 1957, but we didn’t meet then. My best guess is, 1968 or 1969. 2009 would be 40 years, and 2 more. 42 years.
- Tell me about your relationship.
She’s my wife. Always has been since I’ve married her. We get along. We have our differences of our opinion. Sometime the differences are pretty great. At least, from my perspective, even when we’re having great disagreements, and we get upset with each other, I still love her, even under those conditions, and I suspect that she does to, because she’s still here. We’ve been through some pretty unusual and trying situations, but we’re still together. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I guess when it gets right down to it she must feel the same. Because if something serious happens to me, like I get seriously hurt or something, then she’s very very concerned. So that tells me that down deep, she really does care.
- Are you married?
Yes
- How long have you been married?
Since 1973. 38 years. June 23rd is our anniversary.
- What do you like best about your partner?
It’s hard to say. I like everything. I suppose the one enduring thing is that she’s pretty trustworthy. I don’t mean that in a sense like, she’s going to steal something, by that I mean that, she doesn’t cheat, she’s very honest and reliable. And loving in her own way. I suppose those are the most important things.
- What do you like best about your relationship?
I think kind of the consistency of having a partner that you can count on, and that’s there, and that loves you, and that supports, you, not financially, I mean, in what you do. Now that gets into our differences again about how you should live, what you should do and what’s important. I know when I go away somewhere, when I get home, she’ll be here. And when she says she’s going somewhere, I believe her and I don’t have to wonder, “Is she really going somewhere?” And of course after all of those years, you pretty much know the individual. You can finish their sentences. You know what they’re thinking. If you say, “let’s go out to eat” most of the time, I know where she wants to go.
- What do you like least about your relationship?
Gee, I don’t know. There isn’t really anything I really hate about the relationship. There are certain things that, if you had a magic wand, that you’d probably changed. Some of her interests are not like my interest. She’s not so much an outdoorsy physical kind of person. I would like to do some of those things. I wanted to try to ski, and she would have difficulty with that. I like airplanes. I would have bought one. She doesn’t like little airplanes. But those are minor things. But those are thing that’s different with each individual.
- How has your relationship changed over the years?
Well, in the beginning, it was all exciting and new and there was a awful lot of discovery, if you will, to try and understand the person. Understand, truly knowing, what they like, what they don’t like. All the millions of little details. And as you are together, you learn those things, and then your partner isn’t quite as exiting because you know all of those things about your partner. The high excitement and mystery of the initial relationship dissolves into deep understand of the person and how the react and whatever to all different things. From and electric kind of excitement from when you first when out, to a solid relationship with deep understanding.
- How do you anticipate your relationship changing in the future?
I guess age is what’s going to change it. As you age, little things become less important. Things that used to bother, they probably still bother you. But, it’s not worth arguing about. If she wants to paint the wall blue, I don’t like blue, but hey, whatever makes you happy. When you’re young, you’re very idealistic. Its either black or white. When you get older, you don’t mid a little gray. It makes the relationship easier. A little deeper.
I believe that attraction is the whole package. It’s the context that you see her in. Did you see her at the beach, or on the street, did she say something to you. That’s why, somebody that I like, the next guy would say, “eh, she’s alright”
- What was/is your main argument recently in your marriage?
Oh, I don’t know. I don’t have a good memory for that stuff. Fran has a much better memory. I’m a firm believer in that you sit down and discuss your differences. And come to a compromise. I’m one that I’m very opinionated about my beliefs. My facts are based on how I see them. You say it different. Well, I say, let’s discuss it. I’ve got all these facts I’m willing to put on the table to say this is why I believe this. If you can show me a real fact that says otherwise, I’ll change my mind. People that have unresolved problems are ones that wont discuss them, open-mindedly. A lot of people, when they’re in that kind of situation, they will clam up because “we’re fighting, I don’t want to fight, and I don’t want to talk about it. Well that cures the problem right then, but that doesn’t solve the problem. Then the argument comes back. I think its very important to talk about, discuss, you don’t have to agree, but get all of the info out of there. If there’s on things in our relationship that’s been a little difficult, it’s been exactly that. In business, in what I did for my whole life, I had to almost always negotiate for my position in whatever it was that I was doing. Particularly, the legal business is not so black and white; you always have to reach an agreement. And if you’re not opinionated enough to discuss something, you’re going nowhere. I don’t care what the subject is, Ill discuss it. See that’s where a lot of our arguments comes from, I’m very inflexible about my opinions, because I base them on fact. I’ll let you attack them, shoot them down. Fran is one that her resolution of differences, and that really what an argument is about diff of opinion, her resolution is ‘don’t talk about it’. Don’t talk about it, don’t fight. Well like I said before, that solves it but the next time that subject comes up, the elephant is still n the room. And the only way to get it out is to sit down and discuss it. Some kind of compromise. And you can come to that subject without getting all upset. That’s how men in business resolve their problems. They argue and scream, but the end result is that they walk out of the room with a resolution, as friends usually.
- Do you have any children?
Yes, 2 boys. Prior marriage.
- Is this where you wanted to live when you got older?
During high school, I definitely wanted to live WA State. And then, out of the service, still wanted to live in WA. Then, I got a job offer in California, absolutely outstanding. Which took me to Pasadena. Where I met Fran. I still considered Washington home. And through a whole series of different jobs and whatever, I ended up working for Volkswagen. I didn’t intend, at that time, to stay with Volkswagen. We were going to go to Australia. But it was good, so I stayed. And there were some difficulties, but overall the job was good.
No, it changes. Initially, I wanted to live in WA. Then as time went on, I thought it’d be nice to live in California. Then Australia. But then VW in Utah. Then I was asked to go to Atlanta because of the airport. Now WA is way off in the distance. I decided to stay here. Then before long, I said this is it, in Georgia, we’ll retire here.
- Why do you live here?
The job brought me here. And we like the area, and the people. We are established. We have roots, and the more roots you have, the harder it is so pick up and move. We’re happy here. I don’t know what will happen when Fran is by herself. I assume she’ll outlive me.
- Did you like each other’s parents?
Yeah. Both cases. We got along very well. And I know she liked my folks. My father passed away when he was 37, so Fran never knew him. She only knew my stepfather. But got along quite well.
- What’s one thing you feel that you put forth in the relationship that she doesn’t?
I would not answer that question other than, I think it’s a man’s job to ensure the security of the family. Security being the roof over your head, the means by which you live, to put gas in the car, to have a car, to have groceries. So that we are safe. I think I put forth quite a bit of thought and effort to see that that is true. When I had a job, I always made sure we had enough money coming in. She doesn’t concern herself so much with that. So I would have to say that there in a inequity there that probably should exist. A lot of this world’s problems come from when that’s not being done. By men.
- What is one thing you could do to improve your relationship with your wife?
Probably be a little more flexible. I’m getting more like that, everyday. Like, I said when you get older, a lot of that stuff doesn’t matter anymore. I suppose if I could be more that way, life would be better. Maybe not exactly how I’d like it to be. But it’d be a lot quieter. Saying and doing are two different things.
